The Lifelong Acceptance of Who I Am.
I grew up in a loving household in rural Québec. The son of a mother and father in recovery with multiple years sober.
From a very young age, I was warned of the perils that came with drugs and alcohol.
As a child, I had promised myself I would never pick up a drug or drink.
This changed dramatically as I entered adolescence.
The first time I took drugs, I felt that I had finally discovered who I truly was. I felt a sense of ease and comfort from the struggles, fears and insecurities that haunted me to the very depth of my soul. I had finally found a way out of these emotions that I struggled with every moment of my existence.
By the age of 15, I used any mind altering-drug I could acquire at every opportunity that presented itself. During the remainder of my teenage years, I commited crimes, hurt the people I loved, progressed deeper into my addiction and had only one goal, finding an escape from the world I loathed.
My thought process was deeply rooted in fear, hatred and insecurity. Having parents who were in recovery and worked as addictions counsellors made it incredibly difficult to hide and maintain my lifestyle.
In hindsight, I cannot imagine the constant fear and worry I put them through. They used to tell me I needed help and should check into a treatment program. I used to resent the thought of powerlessness against the only thing in my life that seemed good at the time until there was no denying it.
After multiple failed treatment programs, AA/NA meetings and hours of sessions with drug and alcohol counsellors which I despised, I hit rock bottom at the age of 19.
Out of desperation, I reached out for help and was willing to do whatever it took to get the help I needed. Within less than 2 weeks, I was admitted to ‘’Serenity House’’ in Ottawa. This is a strict no-bullshit live-in 3-month treatment program. This was one of the most challenging things I have ever done and actually completed.
My sobriety date is January 2nd 2004.
In sobriety, I have been granted the opportunity to live a life of true purpose. I have been blessed with travel, friendship, love, growth, career opportunities, self-discovery, learning different languages, creativity as well as freedom from my old ways of thinking.
In my journey, I have also gone through divorce, several brutal breakups, funerals, financial burdens, depression, disappointments, resentments as well as other experiences I would not wish upon anyone. Despite those challenges, I have stuck with sobriety regardless and cannot imagine picking up a drug or a drink, that is simply not an option for me.
My life today consists of simplicity, discipline and consistency. All these things together provide an accumulation of small victories that lead to a better life.
If you are someone who is struggling and cannot see a way out, I pray you keep at it. It is impossible to see what the universe has in store for us. May you stick with it until things get better and you find your true purpose and true inner peace, I assure you it is possible.
Sincerely,
Mat