Embracing Vulnerability: Jodi’s Journey with The RISE UP Collection.

Hello, I’m Jodi, and I’m Jordan’s younger identical twin sister by 13 minutes.
Today, I want to share a part of my journey that has both shattered and shaped me. Thank you for taking a moment to read this.

Firstly, I extend my heartfelt thanks to everyone who has showered Jillian and me with immense love and support since launching The RISE UP Collection.
IT has OFFICIALLY been a MONTH since we have launched TODAY!

I owe a special thank you to Jillian, my best friend since grade 5 - and Jordan's best friend also.
After high-school, Jillian and I disconnected for a few years as we moved to different cities and onto our own journeys. But when I reached out to her two days before my wedding, asking her to attend, she immediately said yes.
This gesture reflects the beautiful soul she is and the depth of our rekindled friendship, which picked up right where it left off despite years apart.

Losing Jordan in March of 2023, was a devastating blow. My entire world seemed to shatter, a feeling that, to be honest, lingers present in my life.
In the aftermath, I shared with Jillian my vision for a project that would honor not only Jordan's struggles but also those of many others.
Despite my lack of tech savvy or industry experience, Jillian embraced the idea wholeheartedly.
Every part of The RISE UP Collection website is a testament to her dedication—her blood, sweat, and tears. So, a profound thank you to Jillian, for walking this path with me, side by side.

Now, I'm stepping into a space of vulnerability—something that's both scary and new for me.
I’ve always been the one to lend an ear, hiding my own struggles. Jordan would always tell me to stop running away from my internal struggles and to be open about it more.
Since Jordan's passing, I've confronted these personal/childhood battles head-on. Despite being perceived as the strong twin (as Jordan would always say,) it was Jordan who bore her sufferings openly, seeking solace in substances to numb her deep-seated pain.
For years, I didn't fully grasp the complexities of mental health and addiction. My responses at that time, through harsh approaches stemmed from a place of deep love and concern. Looking back, I wish I had approached her struggles with more empathy and understanding.
I will forever feel guilty about that and I am sorry Jordan.

The Beginning of 2023, there was a part of me where I felt so grateful and proud of my twin for completing treatment. I had my old twin sister back, she was GLOWING and so HAPPY! I was looking forward to our new journey together.
Another part of my life in 2023 was the worst time I have ever personally experienced. The overwhelming personal and professional challenges I faced shortly before Jordan passed away definitely played a part in my mental health.
We shared an incredible last moment together that I will NEVER forget.
Jordan hugged me, we cried together and she said “I am so sorry you’re going through this Jodi” before enjoying our last beautiful night together.
Her passing away five days after from her first relapse left the biggest VOID in my life, stripping me of not just my twin but a big part of my identity. I really felt everything hit me at once and I didn’t know how I was going to pick myself back up and navigate through all of these different traumatic situations. I felt all these emotions I have never felt and still do.
I forgive you Jordan for having a weak moment and relapsing.
What I don’t forgive is the fact that not only Jordan but so MANY others are being sold substances that are in fact KILLING many individuals, and they have no knowledge that what they are consuming will take their life.
My heart goes out to others who have lost their loved one due to fentanyl poisoning.
It is a very painful loss but a loss that also comes with a lot of judgment from the outside. Again, until you experience it yourself it’s hard to understand or relate, and that’s okay. I hope you never have to.

Today, at 30 years old alone and losing my twin at 29 years old, I grapple with identity issues and profound loneliness. The transition from being one of two to being just one is jarring—my other half is no longer here to share life's experiences together.
I miss her and our bond so deeply.
I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I won’t be able to find that connection with anyone ever again. We shared a womb together and it’s hard to explain what that bond looks like if you’re not a twin.

Profound Grief, Anxiety, and PTSD have become my companions, making me scrutinize the intentions of everything and everyone more than ever, a defense mechanism that's both protective and potentially self-sabotaging. I am still grieving and I am still very fragile. The truth is, I will always grieve Jordan wishing she were here. & I know she is also grieving me and she is sorry for leaving me.

This is also not to diminish anyone’s grief or bond with a past loved one, grief is very hard thing to navigate for anyone, I am just talking about my personal experience with my grief. The RISE UP Collection marks a new chapter in my life, one filled with hope and a sincere desire to uplift and support others. While it might be simpler to retreat and numb the pain, I recognize that I cannot bring my twin sister back. However, I can transform this profound loss and internal pain into something truly beautiful and powerful for us all. If I can help just one person, I feel like I have conquered my mission.

Jillian and I want to create a space that connects with many, understanding the deep challenges of mental health and addiction.
Whether it's your struggle or a loved one's, these issues affect EVERYONE involved.

Again, sharing that I am far from perfect. Some days, especially birthdays or holidays, just getting out of bed or taking a shower is challenging for me.
I believe being open about our struggles can help others feel safe to share their stories too.
This openness and vulnerability can break down the stigmas around mental health and addiction. This blog section of our platform is for sharing all parts of our lives—the good and the tough times. We want everyone to feel supported, whether they're at their best or their worst. For those who might not relate directly, we hope to offer a deeper understanding of our mission.

Together, we can create a community of understanding and support.
Let’s RISE UP, break the stigma, and share our journeys.
You're invited to join us, share your journey with us- and with that , we will be stronger together!
Thank you for being part of this journey, for your understanding, and for your continued support. It means more than words can express.

I love you all,

Jodi McCullough, April 15,2024.